How To Write a Cold Email (That Doesn’t Suck…)
Applying The Rules
We just finished a series called Sales Suicide: How To Kill A Deal Before It Starts. Now let’s apply some of these lessons to a task no one likes: writing a cold email.
Over the last few weeks in the Sales Suicide series, we defined three total “no-no’s” that will kill any chance of a deal:
The Pitch No One Wants - Don’t jump into a pitch no one asked for. Listen first, talk about your services in a context that makes sense.
Word Salad - Don’t use words in a sales meeting that you wouldn’t use in a bar.
Making Assumptions - Just because you have knowledge of an industry or technology, don’t assume it’s relevant to the conversation.
Today, let’s take those principles and apply to the most dreaded task of drafting a cold email.
Cold email is not going to work. Let’s just get that out in the open first of all. 80% of this stuff doesn’t even hit an inbox, and the other 20% is hastily deleted. So how can we flatten that curve and give your message a (small) chance of generating business?
We’re all saturated by LinkedIn "Other" messages & Spam email. God forbid you have a leadership title on your corporate website or your cell number is published somewhere. You may have to change your name and move. The days of most people entertaining a random call or a cold email are mostly in the past. And the critical point - as soon as you detect that what you’re looking at is Spam, you’re out.
By using our lessons, we can greatly improve the chances to getting through.
Rule #1: Listen Before You Pitch
You might think there's nothing to "listen" to before sending a cold email. You'd be wrong.
Companies broadcast what's going on with them constantly. Press releases, LinkedIn posts, job listings, news articles. The reason a company seeks out a new vendor is almost always that something has changed. An acquisition. A new product launch. A funding round. That change is your hook, and it belongs in the subject line.
Don't spray and pray. Sending thousands of emails to companies you don't even recognize is the written equivalent of walking up to a stranger and launching into your pitch before you know their name. Pick a smaller list. Spend five to ten minutes on each company until you actually know why they might need you. Use this to position yourself as an expert and a peer, not a Spammer.
Here's what spray and pray looks like in practice. I got this recently:
Subject: Let's Connect on Cloud & AI Transformation
Hi Steve, we help enterprises drive AI-powered digital transformation with cost optimization, enhanced security, and scalability. I'd love to explore how we can support your cloud strategy.
Delete.
Here’s a much better approach:
Subject: TechSmart Acquisition
Hi Bob, I saw you guys acquired TechSmart - congrats! I wanted to ask if your team is involved in assessing and planning the future of the apps and infrastructure across both companies? That’s our specialty at CloudServe. If it's relevant, is there a good time for a quick call?
Anyone who was just involved in M&A is going to open an email with the name of the other company in the subject. And by asking a reasonable, informed question, you tell this person that you are writing them a personal note, not blasting Spam.
The most important thing you’re trying to do is write something that sounds like a real email, not a bulk blast. To understand this best, open a recent email you sent to a coworker. It's likely short, the language is plain, and you're not "demonstrating value" or "aligning on synergies." Just two people who have something real to talk about. If there are long pieces of text or bullets lists, they’re probably in a forwarded message or an attachment. Here’s any example of a real email:
Subject: SOC2
Hey Bob, can we catch up tomorrow about the SOC2 audit? Attaching the details from the CISO's office.
So if you’re writing a long paragraph introduction followed by a bulleted list, and then a conclusion with a link, it’s obviously Spam. Write your sales emails like real emails: short, factual, purpose-driven. Like you’re writing to someone you actually know about something they care about.
Rule #3: Don’t Make Assumptions
I get all kinds of emails that assume things about my business. They tell me that I need help with my “AI strategy”, that I’m “overspending on cloud”, or that I need help “scaling my team”.
Think about it. If a stranger stopped me on the street and offered to fix my “AI strategy” would my response be “where do I sign?”
Do they think I’ve never heard of Kubernetes or Lambda and I just spin up the most expensive AWS instance I can find and leave it running all month?
Is there a lack of offshore developers, vibe coding tools, and recruiting shops preventing me from growing my business?
Hardly. It’s presumptuous and insulting. Is it possible I need help with something? Of course. Will I respond well to them assuming they know what it is and how to fix it? No.
I got this the other day:
“Hi Steve, are you interested in developing your own AI solution? We strongly believe companies shouldn't adopt third-party AI models but should create their own to protect internal IP. Otherwise your valuable IP could be accessible via a future version of ChatGPT. Let's chat.”
Who in their right mind isn’t using “third-party AI models”? What do you know about my “valuable IP”? They’re now the last person I would ever hire for any data science project.
How about something like this:
Hi Bob, I see you have job postings for three ML engineers. Just to provide another option: CloudServe offers scalable “pods” of resources on a monthly basis. They’re trained, certified, and ready to go if you’re up against a deadline.
Listen, the deck is still stacked against you. If your only strategy for growth is cold emails, you’re in trouble. We’ll talk more about the best prospecting techniques in later posts. But these principles apply to any sales communication. Be real, be simple, and don’t make assumptions. You’ll represent yourself and your company better, and increase your chances of breaking through.
If your marketing campaigns are bouncing all day, your comms are hitting Spam filters, and your team is not getting quality leads, let’s talk!